The Jaded Tech

You know, it’s quite amazing that people think the computer world works soooo differently than the ‘real world’.  Are they ever going to learn?  I doubt it.  How many of you actively go out there looking for things that you should know just don’t exists any more?

Seriously, when was the last time that Tandy made the 2500XL PC with Deskview?  Hell, do any of you even REMEMBER Tandy Computers?  (Although I suspect that a few of your closet freaks still remember Tandy Leather Company.  You mention Leather and Computers today and you’ll get a whole different type of response!).  Suffice to say you don’t go out looking for out-dated products.  If you think hardware (or anythying physical like cars or TVs) get outdated soon (like very year), software is even worse!  Any given piece of code  can be outdated within a week of its release, let alone upgrades and ‘patches’ for security bugs.

So here is one of our ‘less than bright’ clients who starts off with:

“why don’t I have access to the old version?”

You know you are dealing with a real gem when you see that line.  And it continues…

“I bought it in the past, see attached copy of email with proof.”  Hurray!  You showed me proof of something you bought!  Well it’s a darn good thing I’m in a generous mood to allow that to be submitted as evidence in the case of ‘reality vs moron’ here, otherwise I might have deemed it inadmissable.

I know people who have bought 1985 K-Cars in the past too but hey, guess what?  They don’t make them any more!  So I’ll give you 3 guesses why you can’t get the ‘old version’ and the first two don’t count!

It’s a wonder that some of these people even know how to procreate (would the correct opposite be concreate?).  I mean, when you email someone with very striaght forward 8 simple steps (click here, click here, click here….type of thing) then said person forwards the email to their IT department with ONLY the word ‘help’ in it….sad, sad, sad.  Seriously, I was truly saddened by this and immediately after vowed to immortalize such people on a regualr basis on my blog!  Let this be a guiding light to all you people crying to technical help!

You will be mocked!

I’m contemplating creating a logo for The Jaded Tech.   I’m willing to allow someone else to do it simply because I’m not that great in the graphic arts.  Kinda looking for something simple but gets the point across.  Colours should be kept to a minimum, so much so that if a B&W version had to be made, the logo would still look the same.  Maybe I’ll just tweak one of the Kopimi logos…

Maybe I’ll just use a tweaked version of the broken image link.

Maybe I’ll just keep typing enough and come up with my own design…..<shrug>….go vote on it and I’ll see how motivated I am later on

I’m pretty fortunate that I only deal with emails for the issues we deal with.  That way I don’t have to force myself to clamp down on the response I really want to say if I was on the phone with some of these people.  Here is a shining example.

This guy emails in his issue at 6am (our time, we deal globally).  I work on it for a couple of days (some issues just take awhile).  I find out that the guy who submitted the problem isn’t the authorized person and the changes he made can’t be done.  I tell him that he needs to talk to the authorized person and give him that person’s name and email address.  On the third day the client seems to ignore me.  I send out the generic ‘if we don’t hear back from you, we’ll assume that your issue is fixed and close your ticket’.

A collegue of mine neeeded some help with one of his tickets.  I go to help him out and immediate notice that the name is exactly the same as the one I’m working on!  All the details are the same, the person, the company, everything.  I check the time this ticket was  created, 7:30am.  That’s right, 1.5hrs after sending in the one i was working on, buddy goes and creates ANOTHER problem ticket.

So buddy now replies saying we need to keep BOTH tickets open!

One thing I have learned is how to bitch-slap people in the most diplomatic way possible without seeming to cross ‘the line’.  I told him that having two tickets open for the same issue will cause problems and even delay helping him fix the issue.  I said ‘Please keep this in mind for the future’.  Combined with my earlier wording I basically said “You are an idiot and a whiny little punk in  opening up two records thinking that it’ll get fixed quicker.  I had to work twice because now I have to manage two tickets instead of one.”

It’s bad enough when you are dealing with companies in other countries because of the time difference.  They send a request, we get  it basically the next day, we reply.  But now it’s their evening and they get it their next day….this all assumes that the client is attentive enough to pay attention and respond in a timely manner.

Now, I know that the logic of ‘getting the problem solved quicker by talking to two people at the same time’ has it’s use on the odd occasion….but in the corporate world of business….it just doesn’t work.  Here’s why:

Let say you got a problem with your computer like it can’t connect to the Internets.  So you call up your local ISP and complain. (Note that people always complain….they never ask if there is a problem….they used to but not any more….damn demanding public). Achmed, the helpdesk guy on the other end of the phone, has an idea on how to fix it but will need a bit of time.  So you hang up and let him call you back when he’s fixed.  The problem is you arein’t a patient person so you call back hoping that you’ll get someone more ‘competent’on the phone who can fix your problem.  Next on the line is Shagunthula (can you tell I’m mildly pissed at Bell and their India-outsourced helpdesk??).  She has an idea as wellon how to fix yoru connectivity issues but it will ‘take some time’ and will have to call you back.  You sigh, loudly and hang up waiting like the dog that needs to go outside and hope you get a call soon.

So now you have Achmed and Shagunthula both figthing with their ’second level’ people to fix the same damn problem.  Now here’s the fun part.  Both of them have different ideas on how it’s to be fixed.  Confusion reigns, problems are exponentiated, emails, calls and voicemails are left all over the place and you are left sitting by the back door hoping that noone notices the little yellow puddle because this is taking too long.  You’ll probably go chew on the couch next and then blame the two ‘incompetent’ help desk people because they can’t get their ‘act together’ and fix your connectivity.

5 days later you finally get a call back.  It’s Achmed and he’s ‘fixed your problem’ and your connection is now up and running!  You tell them “I know…I just plugged in the loose cable….”.  Achmed commits ritual suicide while you surf for prOn.